4. Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling

John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute, says that he’s found certain characteristics and behaviors in a relationship that are some of the best indicators of impending divorce. They are so accurate that he calls them the “four horsemen of the apocalypse”.

They are:

1. Contempt: Seeing yourself as better than your partner (Gottman describes this behavior as the “kiss of death” for a relationship.)
2. Criticism: Turning a mistake or action into a negative statement about your spouse’s character.
3. Defensiveness: Playing the victim in order to escape taking responsibility.
4. Stonewalling: Blocking communication.

Business Insider’s Erin Brodwin reports that these indicators weren’t just pulled out of thin air, it actually has significant backing in the form of studies and research. One such study was one that studied 79 couples living across the US Midwest over a 14 year time period, conducted by Gottman and Robert Levenson, a psychologist at the University of California-Berkeley.